Recently, my
mailbox has been filled to overflowing with department store
and mail-order catalogs advertising fashions for fall.
Somewhere in a statistical
data base, stores must be aware that some of the women hoping
to buy fall clothes are, like me, senior citizens, plumpish,
with a desire to be in style but limited by all that age
and general body shape, implies.
Even if some of the clothes
were available in my size (which they are not) I would have
to completely relearn how to move and act.
For example, I would need to learn
to sit with legs splayed wide apart (my mother always told
me a proper lady crosses her legs at the ankles, only) or
throw myself supine over a couch with my head hanging down,
all the while balancing a very expensive logo handbag on
my stomach.
Facial expressions, if you can call
the robotic-like stare of the models "expressions,"
run the gamut from a pout to a scowl … the latter
readily achievable as I contemplate how to manage a shoulder
bag while wearing the new shawls or ponchos. Or for that
matter, how do I fasten the car seat belt … on top
or under?
Hairstyles would present no problem
… mine always has that tousled, devil-may-care look
when I first get up in the morning.
The chevron stripe tweed suits with
fringe trim would definitely cause me to resemble a walking
lampshade, and as for the low-slung trousers, it would be
a case of indecent exposure any time I rose from a sitting
position.
"Find your femininity again,"
the ads proclaim. I hadn’t realized I had misplaced
mine, but wearing see-through blouses, ruffled dresses with
un-even hems that look like my slip is showing or tight
sweaters with bra straps or even the entire bra on display
is not my idea of how to find it.
Fur and fur print accessories are back
again, but listen to those of us who have lived through
this fashion cycle before and know that nothing shouts "last
year’s style" more clearly than those faux leopard
or tiger print bags, hats or scarves.
As for the little boy look of too small
jackets, I’ve an entire wardrobe of outgrown jackets,
waiting for the day I start a diet. Guess the self-discipline
got misplaced along with the femininity.
Walking, would of course, become a
thing of the past. Wearing those skyscraper heels, would
require bearers to transport me from place to place.
The fashion magazines invariably
run a column called "must haves." Not content
with a new lipstick or a scarf, the "must haves"
usually include a Hermes handbag for thousands of dollars
or a Chanel blouse for an equally astronomical price.
If I ever mentioned any of
those so-called necessities or "must haves" to
my husband, his response would surely be a very forceful,
"you … must have lost your mind!" One luxury
Web site was offering free shipping on a Versace handbag
costing $1,320 or on ankle boots for $900. How generous.
(Honest … I don’t make
this stuff up). My award for the most out-of-touch unbearable
snob goes to Michael Kors, the designer, who is reputed
to have said that he likes strap sandals and chiffon dresses
for winter because it is obvious the wearer has enough money
to have a limo nearby. A pox on you, Mr. Kors, and may you
be stranded in a snowstorm in your Bermuda shorts.
There is, however, one trend
in which I can partake. Glittery pins to add sparkle to
a lapel are a "hot item." I have plenty of those
in the bottom drawer of the jewelry box, set aside for the
next church rummage sale. I won’t even have to go
shopping and worry about which discount coupon is good at
which store on what day. Hurrah!
Jean Cherni
is founder of Senior Living Solutions, a retirement advisory
service. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or
15 The Ponds, Branford 06405. H. Pearce Company REALTORS®
is a full-service real estate company with more than 100
agents and branch offices in greater New Haven and the Shoreline.
Corporate and & Commercial offices are located in North
Haven, where the company was founded in 1958. All listings
can be found in color on the web at: www.hpearce.com. |
