Last month,
my husband Val and I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary.
How could this possibly be so, I wondered? Not very long
ago, I could not envision even being 51 years of age, much
less, married that long! When I expressed that thought to
Val, he quipped, "You’re right. It’s much
too long. We’ll have to do something about it".
We are decidedly, albeit
happily, out of step with today’s marriage statistics.
Now, commitments are made over the Internet and partners
are changed as often as an e-mail address. When our younger
son first attended college in California, he informed us
that he was embarrassed in one of his classes when, during
a discussion, he discovered that he was the lone person
whose parents had never been divorced!
Perhaps I was fortunate to marry an engineer. As a career
group, engineers are reputed to have a low divorce rate.
Typically, they abhor change of any kind. I always find
it vastly amusing whenever I read articles suggesting re-arranging
the living room for a refreshing summer look. Our couch
has been in its present position since we moved in 16 years
ago.
As for me, while I relish
change and new adventures, my husband is the dependable,
predictable "rock" — the source of my security.
While we may personally believe
in the traditional, longtime, "forever" marriage,
we now have come to accept "living arrangements"
that our adult children choose, which would have caused
our parents to develop a case of the vapors. Today, young
women move in with a "potential husband" and upon
finding he has no potential, pack up and leave. This "try
before you buy" philosophy should, theoretically, lower
the divorce rate. But just the opposite has occurred. Recently
I was chatting with a new acquaintance when a friend of
hers broke into the conversation to inquire as to whether
the person’s "significant other" would be
coming that evening. "Oh! He’s no longer significant"
was her terse dismissal of the entire subject.
What is really puzzling to
me is that despite the brief life span of many marriages
and the almost anti-climax of a ceremony after years of
cohabitation, weddings are becoming more elaborate and costly
extravaganzas — with the price of the gown, alone,
the equivalent of what entire weddings formerly cost. There
are pre-wedding breakfasts, buffets for the wedding attendants,
fancy bridal showers and special events for the groom.
These are often arranged by
a special wedding planner who also decides on a "theme"
for the wedding. Even with the help of the wedding planner,
a pastry chef, caterer and others, some brides become so
frazzled and distraught they are in a state of near-collapse
as the big day approaches. Meanwhile, the families of the
bride and groom, having disagreed over some minor details,
are barely speaking.
Couples need to realize that
spending a fortune on a wedding is not an insurance policy
for future happiness.
Only a loving determination
to put the needs of "we" above the "me"
or "you," a sense of humor and a dose of good
luck will provide that.
Jean Cherni
is founder of Senior Living Solutions, a retirement advisory
service. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or
15 The Ponds, Branford 06405. H. Pearce Company REALTORS®
is a full-service real estate company with more than 100
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