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Perhaps it is just
a natural byproduct of the overall recovery process, accentuated
by the confining cold weather, but I have been doing a lot
of reading about developing willpower and overcoming adversity.
Basically, there seem to be two very different schools
of thought on the subject. The first, exemplified by best-seller
"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, takes positive thinking
to a new level.
One of the very first books of this genre, Norman Vincent
Peale’s "The Power of Positive Thinking,"
and most of those that followed, believe that thinking is
only the very first step of a series. Byrne, on the other
hand, claims that just by thinking hard enough, whatever
you want will happen, from attracting money to losing weight.
For example, according to Byrne, "Food cannot cause
you to put on weight unless you think it can. If someone
is overweight, it came from thinking fat thoughts."
As to Byrne’s advice on money, perhaps too many of
us, including the banks and mortgage lenders, were following
this theory, "If the words, I can’t afford it
have passed your lips, your power to change that is now.
"Say, I can afford that ... I can buy that. Look at
everything you like and say, I can afford that. You will
begin to feel better about money, and the picture of your
life will change. When you see someone who is wealthy, you
will know that that person’s predominant thoughts
are on wealth, and that they have drawn wealth to them."
(That description certainly fits people like Mr. Madoff,
who bilked thousands of people).
Frankly, I found "The Secret" more hogwash than
helpful, but I have to give the gal credit. She created
a best seller by using a catchy title and mostly quotes
from other authors.
The second method to self-improvement starts with a positive
thought, but there are many additional steps to reach your
goal. I especially liked Jim Randel’s "The Skinny
on Willpower," a super quick read illustrated with
"stick" figures. Randel suggests we:
Set realistic expectations.
Identify your goal and the process to get there in specific
terms.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Turn positive activity into habits. We are what we repeatedly
do.
Visualize the end result of either/or choices.
Divide your challenges into small, manageable pieces.
Frame your challenges in a pleasurable, not painful, manner.
In the book, "Do One Thing Different" by Bill
O’Hanlon, he stresses "solution-oriented"
living, and suggests it is better to pay attention to what
works than to spend time and energy analyzing why things
don’t work.
If what you are doing isn’t working, look to change
the following areas:
Actions.
Interactions with others.
What you are thinking or telling yourself.
Use spirituality to rise above selfish concerns.
To resolve problems, connect to God or a higher power.
The author also suggests forming a vision for the future
and then creating an action plan to reach that end. Or,
as the song from "South Pacific" put it, "If
you don’t have a dream, how you gonna make a dream
come true?"
I found this worked for me when I was undergoing radiation
for breast cancer. My goal was to make a trip to Morocco
after I recovered. Each radiation treatment was not something
that caused concern; it became a looked-forward-to session
that brought me one step closer to my goal, each week.
For helpful understanding following the death of a loved
one, many have liked Joan Didion’s "The Year
of Magical Thinking," but I found two paperbacks by
Laurie-Ann Weiss an easier read. Her "The After Journey
… Getting Through the First Year," a book that
shares the experiences of many widows and widowers, and
"The Water Dance … How to Find Joy Again,"
is realistic and to the point. (Both books are available
at www.laurieannweis.com).
While books are lifelong sources of information and encouragement,
after all these serious reads, I’m ready for a few
chapters of Erma Bombeck or Art Buchwald. Humor is almost
always good for any ailment.
Jean Cherni is founder of Senior
Living Solutions, a retirement advisory service. Contact
her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds, Branford
06405.
H. Pearce Company REALTORS®
is a full-service real estate company with more than 100
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