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This year, Father’s
Day falls on the first day of summer, giving us a double
reason to be grateful and to celebrate. It is a day when
we should honor not only our own fathers, but all the men
who have acted as father figures in our lives.
The word, father, is often used to honor spiritual leaders,
inventors and originators of an idea or product. Fathers
have always been associated with guidance and protection.
I was fortunate to have two father figures in my life.
My Dad, a tall, lanky, quiet Pennsylvania Dutchman, who,
having been raised by a widowed mother and two maiden aunts,
respected and understood women (as much as is possible for
any member of the opposite sex).
My other father, with whom I spent every summer, was my
childless Uncle Gill, an outgoing outdoorsman and animal
lover with a hearty laugh and endless patience.
Fathers are such important figures in a child’s life.
For boys, he is the ideal they aspire to become. Both extremes
in our society, the very poor and the very wealthy, suffer
from his absence due to either abandonment or work overload.
Girls, too, are the products of their father’s influence.
He is the final arbitrator, the court of last resort.
Their father is also their first relationship with a member
of the opposite sex. They will, according to their experience,
either choose a future husband similar to, or the exact
opposite from, their own father.
My dad had a very strict moral compass that never wavered.
First and foremost, I was always to listen to my mother
and never to be disrespectful to her or any other adult.
If I disobeyed this, punishment was certain and swift.
I was also taught never to accept money for favors or help
given to friends or neighbors. The only “honest”
money was money you earned by the sweat of your brow. One
of the most lasting lessons of my life was the example set
by both my parents who saw people of all cultures, colors,
faiths, political beliefs, social and economic levels, as
inherently good and of equal importance.
My uncle taught me a love of nature and the outdoors. He
was the one who showed me how to fish and swim, handle a
bow and arrow and a gun and even how to drive a tractor.
He once took me into the forest after a big forest fire
so I could see and learn from the devastation it can cause.
My aunt and uncle lived in a remote area near a lake in
Michigan where there were few if any other children nearby.
In the summers I spent with them, I learned how to use my
imagination to entertain myself.
Swinging on a rope swing hung from a huge, shady tree,
or playing in my tent in back of the house, I devised all
sort of make-believe games with only my dolls or Raffles,
the family dog, for company.
I wonder what happens to the development of imagination
in some of today’s children who depend on video games
for their entertainment. One of the treats of a father-child
relationship is just being quiet and in the moment, together.
You grandfathers have a special opportunity to help your
grandchildren experience these quiet, bonding times.
Father’s Day is also a day to remember and thank
the men who mentor boys through organizations like Big Brother
or just by setting good examples in their own lives.
It is said that small boys become big men through the influence
of big men who care about small boys. Happy Father’s
Day and welcome summertime to all.
Jean Cherni is founder of Senior
Living Solutions, a retirement advisory service. Contact
her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds, Branford
06405.
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