| Browsing in what
is considered the best independent bookstore in the Northeast,
R.J. Julia in Madison, I spotted a paperback with the intriguing
title, "How Not To Act Old" by Pamela Redmond Satran.
I purchased it on the spot ... well, wouldn’t you? I’ll
save the readers of this column $15 by summarizing what I’ve
read; some of it rather humorous, but most of it, advice I
simply can’t take to heart. And if that makes me look
or sound old, then so be it.
I always knew how we speak and the words we use divided
the young from the old; I just didn’t realize the
degree of separation. I didn’t realize, for example,
to respond to "thank you" with "you’re
welcome" is out of date. The young will invariably
reply, "No problem." (I didn’t realize I
had caused one).
"Hot" has replaced "sexy" and "Whip
me" replaces "Can I get a ride?" It is also
OK to use the "f word" every other sentence although
I still cringe whenever I just hear it and can think of
a slew of other words to use if I get really angry.
However, since slang is a shorthand to let other people
know how old you are, and words like "keen" and
"swell" are definitely out, the book cautions
you against trying to use words like "awesome"
if you are over 60, sort of unbecoming for your age, like
wearing a miniskirt. Also, don’t be a human archive
and recount stories about when you were young or if you
work in an office, reminisce about when the company had
manual typewriters. Also, no chronic health discussions
or talk of menopause. Guess that leaves the subjects of
death and taxes — and those are pretty "uncool"
as well.
I thought since I had learned at least three operations
on my cell phone, I was pretty "with it." (Is
that still all right to use?) But now the book tells me
I give my age away by talking more loudly when using the
cell and also by using my index finger instead of my thumb
when punching in the numbers. Anyway, e-mail is already
old-fashioned; the young use text messaging and Facebook.
Additionally, the young don’t wear watches to tell
time ... they simply flip up the phone with one hand, use
their thumb to punch those miniature buttons and don’t
need to put on their glasses to read the equally small print
which gives the time.
Of course, they no longer look forward to spending a leisurely
weekend reading the Sunday paper. They are too busy working
out or making out and then updating their blog about both
and anyway, there’s no need to read the paper because
they feel if anything important happens, somehow the universe
will text them. Other "you’re acting old"
giveaways:
-Telling perfectly competent other adults to take an umbrella,
wear a jacket, go to the bathroom before leaving.
-Saying, "Did you have enough to eat?" "Are
you going to be warm enough in that?" or "If you
don’t hurry up, you’re going to be late."
-Remarking to your friends, "They named the baby what?"
As for the looks department, and this is one are where
I mostly agree, no cleavage, no brassy blonde, no all over
animal prints. In other words, dim the glitz, lighten up
the makeup. Be subtle. My own feeling on this "remaining-young"
issue is that the words you use or the way you dress are
not really important. Age is a number, not a destination.
What keeps people young at any age is their involvement
with others, their sense of humor, their eternal curiosity,
willingness to take a risk, and above all, a passion for
life.
Jean Cherni is founder of Senior
Living Solutions, a retirement advisory service. Contact
her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds, Branford
06405.
H. Pearce Company REALTORS®
is a full-service real estate company with more than 100
agents and branch offices in greater New Haven and the Shoreline.
Corporate and & Commercial offices are located in North
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