| Although I consider
myself a generally optimistic and happy type of personality,
life at the moment, with a frail and failing husband, is more
difficult than it has been for many years. Thus, the chance
to hear a talk entitled “Finding Happiness is Easier
than You Think” by Jack Gesino propelled me into New
Haven to the Graduate Club, despite the problem of finding
a parking place near its busy location on Elm Street.
Prepared to park several blocks away, I drove up Elm when
out of the corner of one astonished eye, I spied an ample
space directly in front of the club. Plunking the requisite
quarters into the meter, I already was radiating happiness
as I went to the meeting, hosted by the Interagency Council
on Aging.
Gesino, professor of social work at Southern Connecticut
State University and coordinator of mental health services
for Masonicare (weighty titles for his short, energetic
frame), claims that despite being under stress, we can be
happy, and if we practice being happy, stress will not be
as overwhelming nor will it last as long.
One of the key ingredients is the psychology of possibility.
Patients who are told their cancer is “cured”
live longer than those told their cancer is in “remission,”
because one statement closes off the possibility of hope.
Other research has shown that for the same reason, 40 percent
of the time, placebos work as well as some medications.
While labels like Alzheimer’s, cancer and old age
are necessary to organize our thoughts, trouble begins when
they determine how we think.
We often pay more attention to negative feelings than to
positive ones and forget to look for the small good, each
and every day. Learning to choose to be happy requires as
much intention and effort as losing weight, according to
Gesino. Some of the work required:
-Practice gratitude and optimism every day. Make a daily
list of things to be grateful for and try to look on the
bright side of every situation.
-Avoid social comparisons. There will always be those who
“seem” better off.
-Practice acts of kindness and be involved in social relationships.
Studies show that volunteering is associated with diminished
depression and increased self-worth.
-Develop coping strategies. An important one is “mindfulness”
or living in the moment. Gratitude is not taking things
for granted.
-Savoring, which is the deliberate attention to the experience
of pleasure. Savor has a past, present and future because
we can derive pleasure from past experiences and use them
as reserves for a later resource.
-Find the humor in situations and laugh often. Laughter
is contagious and signals understanding and shared pleasure.
It is an instant vacation.
-Know what makes you happy. Be excited about what you do.
Smile.
Gesino recommends the book “Authentic Happiness”
by Martin Seligman. I also found “How We Choose to
be Happy” by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks to have many
good ideas.
On the way home that day, I had two interesting experiences.
At Stop & Shop, on a long line, I offered to allow the
lady in back of me who had only a few groceries, to go ahead
of me. She thanked me profusely, which did indeed make me
feel good.
As I was loading my heavy grocery bags and even heavier
cat litter into the trunk of the car, a gentleman returning
his shopping cart stopped and, unrequested, gave me a hand.
Thanking him, I explained I had just done a favor for a
woman in line and this must be my “repayment”
and now something good would come to him in turn.
He smiled and said, “Well, it never hurts to have
some good karma out there working for you.” I couldn’t
think of a better phrase to sum up my thoughts about a key
ingredient to being happy. Like the song says, “Make
someone happy ... make just one person happy ... and you
will be happy, too.”
Jean Cherni is founder of Senior
Living Solutions, a retirement advisory service. Contact
her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds, Branford
06405.
H. Pearce Company REALTORS®
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