| Lately, I have been
hearing and learning quite a bit about something known as
EQ or emotional intelligence.
Your IQ is your capacity to acquire and apply knowledge,
the ability to do abstract reasoning. After 18 or 19 years
of age, it doesn’t increase any more. However, EQ
is behavioral and therefore increases with life experiences,
peaking in our late 40s. IQ gets you through school, but
EQ gets you through life, although it was not written about
until as recently as the 1980s when studies testing the
resiliency of people were undertaken. The key components
of EQ are:
- Self-awareness
- Self-management
- Social awareness
- Relationship management
When it comes to shaping our decisions and actions, feelings
count every bit as much and often more, than thought. We
feel before we think. The skill of perceiving, understanding
and effectively managing emotions such as anger, happiness,
anxiety, optimism, humor, sadness, fear, shame and love
contribute to success in business and also in a major way
to your health and quality of life.
The definitive book on the subject, “Emotional Intelligence:
Why It Can Matter More Than IQ,” was written by Daniel
Goleman, a Harvard Psychology Ph.D. and science writer for
The New York Times. Goleman feels there are many important
practical applications to EQ, from how companies should
hire and how couples can increase chances their marriages
will last, to how parents should raise children.
Two interesting experiments certainly bear him out. One
experiment was conducted with 7-year-olds to see how they
reacted with marshmallows. They were told they could each
eat their marshmallow right away, but the tester was leaving
to run an errand and if they could wait till he returned,
they could have two marshmallows.
When the tester left, some of the children grabbed the
treat immediately, some waited for a minute but others closed
their eyes, sang or played a game to distract themselves.
The children who had the fortitude to hold out, grew up
to be better adjusted, more popular and confident as teenagers.
The other children were more likely to be easily frustrated
and buckled under stress.
The other experiment was the Seligman Test designed for
Metropolitan Life, a firm that was hiring 5,000 salesman
a year at a cost of $30,000 each to train, with half of
the recruits leaving in less than a year.
The Seligman Test measured optimism and pessimism, along
with other key attributes of a successful salesperson. Hiring
results improved dramatically. When optimists fail, they
attribute the failure to something they can change, not
something they are helpless to overcome.
Previously, Met Life, like many other companies, had put
too much emphasis on logical reasoning, math and spatial
skills. Some applicants with high IQ scores did poorly in
life because they thought and behaved in a way that blocked
their success.
It was found that success is 80-90 percent EQ and only
10-20 percent related to IQ. Our primitive responses were
our key to survival and our emotions still help to limit
the field in any choices we have to make. A sense of self-awareness
is also key ... you need to be smart about how you are feeling
and recognize why you are feeling angry or depressed. Anger
can be one of the most difficult emotions to control.
Relaxation like meditation or soothing music helps calm
high-energy moods like anger or anxiety while energetic
activity is a recipe for low-arousal states like sadness
and discouragement. Worry can be a rehearsal for danger
so that you can search for solutions, but danger comes when
worry is so extreme, it blocks thinking.
Of course, worry about failing increases the likelihood
of failure. Some experts feel that we have defined success
too narrowly if we are only concerned about IQ and that
schools need emotional literacy programs to help children
learn to manage anger, frustration and loneliness. With
so many marriages ending in divorce, with road rage, homicides
and school bullying major problems, anything that would
help us develop people with more self-awareness and compassion
is worth investigating.
Jean Cherni is founder of Senior
Living Solutions, a retirement advisory service. Contact
her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds, Branford
06405.
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