| With what seems to
be an ever-increasing number of revelations of straying or
erring husbands in the news recently, the usual Valentine
Day’s offerings of candy and flowers might well prove
inadequate as peace offerings. To the rescue, comes apologypros.com,
which could be of help to other roaming, but regretful Lotharios.
The site explains that since apologies are difficult, in
order to find the right words or perform the necessary actions,
you might need a coach. Among the various transgressions,
apologypros admit that cheating on a partner is a big one.
Frankly, other than embezzlement or a hit-and-run involving
a police officer, I can’t think of a bigger one. Some
suggested steps to take if you have strayed:
Realize that something is wrong or missing from your current
relationship. (I’m no expert, but in the case of a
habitual, serial cheat like Tiger Woods, the problem is
not just in the relationship.)
Communicate. You need to re-prove yourself over a long
period of time. If you are going out and say you will be
home by 11, be sure to do so. (If I were married to a consummate
liar like John Edwards, nothing short of one of those tracker
bracelets worn by parolees, would suffice.)
Do not communicate with the “other party,”
admittedly difficult when the person you cheated with is
a co-worker, neighbor or friend. (In that case, having a
lover in say, Argentina, would seem ideal unless you happen
to be the governor of South Carolina.)
The Web site also advises patience since it takes a moment
to break down trust but a lifetime to rebuild it. Just in
case things don’t work out, however, I did notice
there is a handy sponsored link to “Ask a Lawyer.”
As to the elements of a true apology, it is suggested that
you:
Be sincere. Make sure you are truly sorry.
State your apology without making excuses. Excusing the
action, removes the sincerity. (Again, John Edwards gave
a stellar example of a bungled apology when he attempted
to explain that at the time of his affair, his wife’s
cancer, was after all, in remission.)
Promise to do better. (Somehow, Gov. Mark Sanford who said
that although he had found his soul mate in Argentina, he
would try hard to fall back in love with his wife, badly
messed up on that one. No wonder his wife moved out.)
For us ordinary mortals, there are 30-40 different types
of apology letters, most available for just $7.99. Among
the various “business apology letters” offered
is one for a “defective, damaged or incomplete product.”
Toyota could sure use that one just now.
Also, a sign of the times, is the apology letter used when
announcing a lay-off. There are “fill in the blanks”
apology letters for under $15 or a selection of recordings
like, “Who’s Sorry Now” vocal by Connie
Francis, “Please Forgive Me” with Bryan Adams
or Brenda Lee’s, “I’m Sorry.” Of
course, again, for only $7.99, there are several especially
for Valentine’s Day.
While the Internet is certainly a useful tool in many circumstances,
I know that the valentines I have kept and cherished were
the simple, hand-made, chocolate-stained ones from my daughter
or the concise, but obviously his own simple words of “I
love you” from my dear husband of few words.
While I disagree with the premise of that romantic movie,
“Love Story” ... “Love means never having
to say you’re sorry,” I would advise would-be
lovers to avoid words or situations you may have to apologize
later for and if an apology is needed, your own stumbling
words, if sincere, are probably best. Happy Valentine’s
Day, dear readers.
Jean Cherni is founder of Senior
Living Solutions, a retirement advisory service. Contact
her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds, Branford
06405.
H. Pearce Company REALTORS®
is a full-service real estate company with more than 100
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Corporate and & Commercial offices are located in North
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